If you find yourself in the fortunate position of having a garden or plot of land upon which to cultivate your own weed, you might find yourself pondering a rather peculiar question: "How do I play the horticultural version of Hide and Seek with my cannabis plants?" Not because it's illegal, mind you – if it’s illegal in your area, you wouldn’t be growing it - but because your nosey neighbour might take umbrage with your green-thumbed efforts. Or because the local gang of foxes has suddenly developed a sophisticated palate. Or worse, some jealous crook wants to steal your crops for themselves. It's high time we discussed how to camouflage your cannabis plants effectively and with style.
Genetics: Key To Concealment?
It’s pretty pointless choosing a lanky sativa if your goal is to keep things on the downlow. Do your homework and choose a strain that grows to an unubtrosive height, rather than one that’ll pop its head up over the garden wall and wave its spindly fingers to all and sundry. The traditional rule of thumb is that sativas are tall and thin, indicas are small and bushy, and hybrids could have a degree of both qualities to them, but the safest bet for keeping things under control is likely to be autoflowering cannabis strains. These typically shorter cultivars are the crack commando troops of the cannabis world – tough, stealthy, and thanks to their faster flowering times, they get in and out fast.
The Cover Crops Concept – Hiding Your Green Amid The Green
First off in this grand game of botanical subterfuge, we introduce the concept of cover crops. Cover crops such as clover or alfalfa, grow quickly and densely, providing a sort of natural veil for your cannabis. The height and bushy nature of these plants will help shield the distinctive leaf shape of cannabis from prying eyes and hands alike. Plus, they are pretty good at deterring pests - a welcome bonus.
If you want to really take it to the next level, then there’s the real masters of disguise – plants that look like cannabis from a distance. Southern Marigold, Kenaf, Coralbush and Japanese Maple trees all bear a frankly uncanny resemblance to cannabis to the untrained eye. If you look at the leaf structure of any of these plants, you’d swear it was cannabis fan leaves – but you’d be wrong. Kenaf, especially, could fool most people and with good reason. Also known as Hibiscus Cannabinus, Kenaf serves similar purposes to good old industrial Hemp. Better still, it grows up to 3.5m in height – perfect for covering up your cannabis plants.
The one fatal flaw with these is, that by having a similar appearance to cannabis, they’re may likely draw attention to your garden. It’s up to you whether you want to gamble on being able to explain that, in spite of looking suspiciously like weed plants, these aren’t actually weed plants.
Remember, diversity is the key here. The more variety you can introduce into your cover crops, the better the disguise for your prized cannabis. Consider a combination of tall sunflowers, medium-sized marigolds, and low-lying clovers. It's like a 3-tiered barrier of secrecy.
Mastering The Art Of Companion Planting
The next trick up our sleeve is companion planting. Think of it like having a wingman for your cannabis plants – someone to help them blend in, boost their confidence (read: growth), and ward off any unwelcome attention.
Aromatic plants, such as lavender, comfrey, lemon balm, and mint, can mask the characteristic smell of cannabis, leaving hungry neighbourhood critters (or the nosey Karen next door) clueless. Include plants with strong terpenes and let them duke it out to conceal the aroma of your weed. Not to mention, these scented companions double up as natural pest repellents. They're like those friends who, despite their sweet demeanour, nobody messes with.
Another great option is to include tomato plants, whose height, leaf shape, and bushy nature can camouflage your cannabis quite well. And who knows, perhaps you'll end up making a delightful spaghetti sauce with your tomatoes when you’re done.
Landscape Design
We all have an inner architect waiting to break free, and what better way than designing your garden to cleverly conceal your cannabis? Think about arranging your plants in a way that breaks up the recognizable pattern of cannabis. Interweave them amongst other plants, or better still, create a secluded "hidden garden" at the heart of your plot, surrounded by taller, thicker plants.
And if your architectural ambitions run higher, consider a gazebo with climbing plants like grapes or ivy. Not only does this provide an additional layer of cover, but you'll also get a charming spot for afternoon tea - the perfect ruse.
Better yet, plant wisely from the outset. Scope your garden for hidden spots that lie out of sight from everyone but you, and plant there. Just make sure this spot can give your plants all that they need to thrive - especially light.
Embrace The Natural Look
At the end of the day, the more your garden looks like a slice of nature rather than a perfectly manicured plot, the less likely it is to arouse suspicion. Consider the 'wild garden' approach, where you let your plants grow freely, only trimming where necessary. A bonus of this strategy is its eco-friendliness, as this method promotes local flora and fauna.
While this might mean you have to spend a little more time locating your beloved cannabis amidst the 'jungle,' consider it an adventurous treasure hunt. However, be warned: if you go too wild, you might have to fend off explorers looking for the lost city of Atlantis.
Combine Methods For Success
So there you have it, a few strategies to keep your cannabis hidden amongst the crowd, away from the judgemental gaze of Karen next door, the curiosity of the local fox gang, or anyone else who doesn't need to know about your green secret. The best method is to employ a multifaceted approach and take cues from several of the points listed above, All it requires is a little creative thinking, a touch of gardening elbow grease, and perhaps a daub of camouflage face paint for you.
3 Great Strains To Hide in Your Garden
Alaskan Diesel Auto
Fast-flowering, vigorous and short, Alaskan Diesel Auto will keep its head down in your yard. With a finished height of around 110cm, this potent mostly-indica strain slots into any garden with the stealth of a ninja - but it will still reward you with quality buds. After just 60-64 days, Alaskan Diesel is ready to harvest, and you'll love the sweet Diesel notes and 15-20% THC content.
Green Crack Auto
It's said that the best things come in small packages, and Green Crack Auto serves as proof. This tiny auto tops out at around 90cm - but don't think that means you'll sacrifice quality. This flavourful, mostly-sativa strain packs in a solid 20% THC content (approx.) and fetaures a taste profile crammed with tropical fruit flavours, especially mango! Outdoor growers can yield as much as 300gm/plant - which is quite the feat for such a small cultivar!
Gelat.OG Auto
If you're craving potency of the highest order, and elite modern genetics, look no further - Gelat.OG Auto has it all, and features "stealth mode" for your convenience. It grows to between 60-120cm, and this delicious auto delivers on all fronts - small, but with a THC content around 25%, definitely mighty! Gelat.OG Auto is ready in just 80 days, after which those sticky, sweet citrusy buds are ripe for the picking.
